Scott Kendrick
New Zealand

Scott Kendrick, born in 1969, is a Wellington performance poet. His first book, Rhyme before Reason, was published by HeadworX in 2001, and he is also the editor of The Babylon Express, a new satirical and political newspaper based in Wellington. He is currently studying Political Science at Victoria University of Wellington
Public Bar Arsehole

He's been drinking for eight hours, propping up his local bar,
Swapping stories with the regulars too drunk to really care
About the limits of his lies, or the hatred in his eyes
That glisten when he sees himself within their sodden stare.

So he's rambling and he's slurring, (in his mind the world's concurring),
About every arsehole living but the one upon his stool,
Gives some girl a rapist's glance, hits the pokies, takes a chance
But loses then gets beaten for his cheating playing pool.

They shove him out the door to watch him stumble to the gutter
And collapse - a slick of human stain beneath the stars.
Some teenagers, for a laugh, kick his head, but only half-
Heartedly, (they know the time is ripe for stealing cars.)

He's left then to his mumbling, blindly flailing at the air
With fists that many times have beat a woman's features blue.
It's the nature of the beast - oh you men! Let's hope, at least,
If there's karma he comes back as shit that's trodden under shoe. 


We were in the process of executing the men
When one of the children escaped from the group.
He ran up screaming to his father who,
As it happened, was next in line for termination.

Concerned for the child's safety, I clubbed him
To the ground with my rifle and continued
Doing so until his lack of movement
Satisfied me that he was no longer a threat to himself.

It was, however, this essentially pre-emptive response
That set the women on their regrettable course of action.
Within less than a minute, approximately thirty females
Had broken away from their designated holding area.

Their behaviour at this point was distinctly aggressive;
My men were subjected to a vicious barrage
Of abusive language and threatening gestures.
Without doubt, the situation was a highly volatile one.

I attempted to negotiate with the females
But they were in the grip of a mob-psychosis,
Refusing to heed reason. Outnumbered and low
On ammunition, we were left with no option but our bayonets.

Order at this point was restored, but yes,
It was a traumatic experience for all of us - Sir.