blackmail press 17
Lesley Crimmins
new zealand
Brief bio:
My name is Lesley Crimmins I started writing poems when I was 13
the first one I wrote was fly away little girl. I came from an abusive family then moved in with an abusive partner most Of my poems are about what I went through as a child and as an adult and what it was like to finally find love. I live in Auckland New Zealand 


I looked down from the cliff top
Wanting to fly
Wanting to leap off
To spread my arm and just fall
Not a care in the world
Not a soul to care for
No one to care for me
No one to listen to my pleas
PLeas of sorrow pleas of pain
My heart hurts so much
Eyes swollen shut
Not a tear left to shed
Free I will be free
Fly away little girl.


You were supposed to be my parents
To love me unconditionally
Instead you put me down
And you mum watched while he knocked me to the ground
You always stuck up for him
You made your choice
You lied to cover up the abuse but everyone knew
They moved my sister out but left me there
I would have killed him you know
You got in the way and saved him
I hate you both.


Harsh words violent blows
Hands are fisted
Blood splatters
Broken bones
On my knees not alive nor dead
Silent screams I dare not scream
Maybe he will stop if he can not here me
I hear the sirens and voices
Someone is saying is she going to be okay
What about the kids
I try to get up but some thing is holding me down
When I awoke I was in a hospital gown
With beeping noises all around
Then I remember it was'nt a nightmare it happened


I hated the feelings I had for you
You made me depend on you
Now I am feeling angry because I know how it really felt
To make myself forgive you for all the things you did
Still the tension grew 
From every strong blow
I used to make excuses for every bruise
Now I know the abuse I really went through
So afraid to tell
but more afraid not to
Dreading the hell that would follow
I found some hope in my life of terror
Now I have learnt to cope and everything is clearer
I've found someone new, who's helping me get by
I'm getting over you and no longer do I cry.


I lost my identity when I was with you
I didn't know who I was anymore
Or where I was going,
I lost it for good when I left you
I had to move and change my name
So you couldn't find us,
I couldn't go out with out the fear of running into you
I now have a new life and lots of friends,
The fear is still there and people don't know.
         I used to be someone else